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Do you know
Who I am?
I am Fear,
I am Hate,
I am Lust,
I am Rage.

Let me inside your head.
Let my voice,
Fill you up.
Fill your stomach,
Fill your heart,
Fill your lungs,
Fill your head.
Let me be all that you taste,
All that you hear,
All that you smell,
All that you feel.

Do you know who I am?
I am Addiction,
I am Temptation,
I am Sin.

No,
You can't keep me out.
I am already inside...
It has been so long! I think I have lost my touch. Hehe! Anyway, please do let me know what you think. Thanks!!
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:iconlunarnightmare:
LunarNightmare Featured By Owner Aug 18, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
I faved this awhile back so you already know I love it XD

If I could make a recommendation, 

"I am Addiction,

I am Temptation,
I am vile,
I am Sin."

On I am vile, I'd say to either capitalize vile to match those around it. Which you may not want to do because its not a noun as the others are. If that's true then you may want to take it out entirely to help with the flow. 

Secondly, I don't like the repetition of "Let me inside your head", and again with "already Inside your head." I would either delete the first instance, or change the second to call back to the original rather than feel repetitive. If you wanted to change the second you could just change it to "I'm already inside " with "inside" italicized to give it a slightly darker inflection. Even that doesn't sound quite right to me... But I hope it gives you some things to think about! :)

Just my thoughts.
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:icondarkgirlshope:
DarkGirlsHope Featured By Owner Aug 19, 2015
Ah! Good point on "let me inside your head" ... and yeah i should replace "vile"
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:iconlunarnightmare:
LunarNightmare Featured By Owner Aug 20, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
Glad I could help :)
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:iconbuslimpan:
buslimpan Featured By Owner Mar 20, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
This is really good!
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:icondarkgirlshope:
DarkGirlsHope Featured By Owner Mar 20, 2014
Thanks!!
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:iconchaosisawakening:
ChaosIsAwakening Featured By Owner Mar 20, 2014  Student General Artist
I absolutely adore this poem! It's extremely well written, well done!
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:icondarkgirlshope:
DarkGirlsHope Featured By Owner Mar 20, 2014
Thanks!!
Reply
:iconwhisperer-of-winds:
Whisperer-of-Winds Featured By Owner Mar 20, 2014  Professional Writer
That's so much.
I do remember trying to put a hold on all those before... I ended tricking myself and going off badly.

But I would still ask... is it right to acknowledge their strength over us without any effort to put all such sins of humanity under any restraint?
I did find my answer ^_^
and that answer was another sentiment I added to those you wrote above. That sentiment is "faith"
Thank you for allowing me to share what I think ^_^
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:icondarkgirlshope:
DarkGirlsHope Featured By Owner Mar 20, 2014
That's always the hardest thing to do. Not giving in, I mean. So here is what I do when the... temptation... becomes overwhelming: Go into an empty room, breathe, and write. That always works me. After all, a pen can be a mighty weapon ^_^
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:iconwhisperer-of-winds:
Whisperer-of-Winds Featured By Owner Mar 20, 2014  Professional Writer
It so happens that it works for me as well ^_^
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:icondarkgirlshope:
DarkGirlsHope Featured By Owner Mar 20, 2014
:heart:
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March 20, 2014
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